


Heaven Sent

by halleson37



Series: Sad Songs [4]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Closeted Character, Closeted Mickey, God stuff, Haven Sent, M/M, One Shot, Sad, Song - Freeform, dabble, i guess, sad songs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-24
Updated: 2017-05-24
Packaged: 2018-11-04 06:55:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10985712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halleson37/pseuds/halleson37
Summary: One shot based on the song “Heaven Sent” by Parker Millsap. If you have not heard the song it is beautiful, and I would recommend listening to it as you read. This sad dabble tells the tale of Mickey and his struggles with coming out and facing his father. Set in an AU where Terry is less of a dick, but still a dick.





	Heaven Sent

**Author's Note:**

> I am agnostic, but I just love this song so much, and felt like it could play to Mickey's struggles. 
> 
> Also, was having a really hard time with grammar in this one, so sorry if my punctuation is off.

_ Raise me straight and raise me true, spent my days becoming you, Sunday morning evening too, sitting in your second pew. _

 Mickey had been getting into fights, running guns, drugs, hookers, whatever his father wanted since he could remember. Yet every Sunday they would sit at church, pretend they were normal. His dad would tell him not to sin, to be a good boy. Apparently that meant selling drugs and beating on kids smaller than him. It was all so confusing, but even worse when when it came to the redhead who lived just down the street from him. His large family, the Gallaghers, would sit just a in front or back, and Mickey would always let his eyes wander to the same freckled boy.

  _Torn apart my spirits spent, I fell in love on accident. Wondered just what Jesus meant, when he said all love was heaven sent._

They were just friends at first, would hand out, smoke weed, play video games, just good friends. His dad even liked Ian, let him shoot guns and drink beer. But as Mickey became closer to his ginger friend his feelings started to change.

 He knew, since he was old enough to have sexual feelings that he was not into girls, they never seemed right, never smelled or felt right. He fought it, god did he fight it with his whole heart, soul and body. But on that in mid winter day, when Ian’s lips pressed to his it all came falling down, crashing into everything he had hidden away. flooding the closet he had built around himself.

  _Papa I don't need a preacher, I ain't some kind of creature from some old double feature._

 It felt alienating to be different, to feel different. He would look in the mirror, when he got up, when he went to bed. After kissing Ian, or sleeping with him, trying to figure out how he looked different? Felt different? He didn't. Or maybe a little bit. More open? more caring? Softer? But it felt so right, so perfect. Ian felt so perfect. Just right when their limbs were tangled, breath heavy and wet, mouths and bodies pressed together. When they laughed, watched stupid action movies, sat in silence. It all felt so good, yet it had been grounded in him that it was wrong, all wrong in every way. He was going against god, going against his father; the man who raised him, set his boundries, someone he looked up to. 

  _I just want to make you proud of the kind of love I've found but you say it's not allowed,  say that it’s a sin, but It's how I've always been, did you love me when he was just my friend?_

 Mickey would sit crying sometimes, even before his father found out, thinking about how that day would come, would come like the flood when his touch met Ian’s. But it would be an ocean of blood, salt water that stung the cuts and wounds. It would be screams, yells, pleads and prayers to the god he thought loved him, was told loved him, until now. Was told would keep him safe. But it was not like that, not at all.  It was anger, depression, tears, it was yelling, screaming and fist Ian’s and his way. 

  _Tried my hardest not to be, I locked the door and I broke the key. Jesus died upon that tree, daddy do you think he'd covet me?  Red and yellow black and white, we are precious in his sight, so why can't I sleep through the night? Daddy do you think I've turned out right?_

 Ian had tried to calm him, and he did the same for his boyfriend, but when the day came around it was like he had always pictured it would be.But it was real now, so much more real now, in the forefront of his vision. Ian’s beautiful face bloodied and smashed, his own body writhing in pain. But as the darkness sparkled in front of his eyes he could only think of the moments in church. His days saying prayers and singing hymns. His days when god would keep him safe, when his father would keep him safe. 

  _Papa I don't need a preacher, I ain't some kind of creature from some old double feature._

_ I just want to make you proud of the kind of love I've found but you say it's not allowed,  say that it’s a sin, but It's how I've always been, did you love me when, he was just my friend? _

 But now? Now only Ian made him feel safe, feel free. 

  _Papa you're the one that taught me, and with his blood he bought me. Daddy you're the one that claimed that he loved me through the flame, now why can't you do the same? Now I've been born again, but first I was born in sin. Did you love me then? Did you love me then?_

 As much as he missed his father's acceptance, missed the days they would spend together, the good ones...In so many ways he was still like the bastard, still would fight, still would yell, still would sell. He could not take that part away from himself as much as his love with Ian changed him, changed him for the better, made his love grow. And even though he did not have love for his father anymore, he found his love in god, his love in Ian, and that was enough. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
